• Artist: Colin Whyles
• Title: Of Mother and Childhood pt3
• Length: 1:42 minutes (1.62 MB)
• Format: MP3 Stereo 44kHz 128Kbps (CBR)

Of Mother and Childhood pt3 Copyright © 2009 Colin Whyles

And then there were the headaches
your constant companion as I grew
“Please don't make any noise”
your desperate plea
whenever I arrived home from school
I didn't understand but learned silence
which stood me in good stead
when the headaches transferred to me

They left you in your forties
when womanhood changed for you
until then you were served
by your slim yellow box of Anadins
always at your side
occasionally you would slide it open
to reveal the slit that two white tablets
would be persuaded to emerge from
with a gentle tap

You sat in the oddly decorated
living room of our prefab
the outer walls still metal then
the colour changing every few years
blue or yellow, I recall,
the inner walls have only changed
their skin of eclectic wallpapers
beneath they appear as crushed
compressed cardboard
weak but serviceable

The headaches left you
to possess me
as I have had no-one to pass them to
they remain still
crushing the pleasure out of
half of my life
casting a haze and tension
a bitter crystal lens
through which to view the world
hard and unfocussing
a disconnection from all without
fusing me to the demons
the screaming within

Now I understand your pain
as you struggled as the axis of a tug-of-war
to raise three children
of disparate fathers
who were never to be seen
(In fairness the first, your husband, had died)

But you worked to feed and clothe us
knew that we should go to good schools
in order to best yourself
and we did what we could
but for all that I don't know
that we are better than you.