The Astrologer Nurse © 2008 Colin Whyles

She steps into the ward as soft as a mouse
The night nurse is here with watch, cap and gown
She treads her soft-shoe shuffle from one chart to another
And mutters her readings as quiet as butter

"If you took my advice you would not have been born a Virgo
You outlook's not as good as if you'd been a Cancer
For cancer you've got and you're not well prepared
What with the moon rising in Capricorn
I doubt you will be spared"

"What do I see here? A Taurus, but only just
It's always quite risky to be born on the cusp
You've nothing to turn to for comfort that way
But things can work out if you're lucky at play
You're due to come into great riches quite soon
But I'd suggest you try to get better before
The moon pulls the rug from under your feet
Because your prospects don't look good beyond the end of the week"

"We've pills and we've potions
But nothing as strong
As the pull of the moon on the oceans
Your best chance is an error in the date of your birth
It could make all the difference between sorrow and mirth"

"Such a shame you're not Aries
But there are no Aries here
They are all ramrod strong
Not the sort who would queer
Their own pitch
For rushing headlong
To where angels fear
To tread must be wrong"

"I would take your pulse
But what would be the worth?
It's not going to help much
When you were careless at birth
If you had been wiser you would have delayed
And not been so premature
But that's the impatience of youth, I'm afraid."

But it raises a question that interests me
Should your birth-sign be when you are born
Or when you should be?
So next time before you rush into the world
Ask your Mum for a lodestone and whirl it around
Make her sit on a moon-dial and check where it rises
Check the tides and the seasons
Leave nothing to chance
You need a good start so do a moon-dance
Read the stars' manifestos
And ponder their reasons
You can't make this decision without considerable debate
No-one will complain if you're relatively late

So when you take to your bed with a case of the flu
Beware the Astrologer Nurse in case she finds you
If you take my advice and don't want to get worse
Beware the round of the Astrologer Nurse